Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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