I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
