I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
