I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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