oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
