On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize