Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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