I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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