At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize