At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
