summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize