I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
