A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
