just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
