I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
