yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
