Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
