yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
