Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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