I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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