I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
