these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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