Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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