so explain again why im purple
no
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this will be a night to untag.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
