I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize