I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize