well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
