Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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