fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
