Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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