I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
