u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
