oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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