I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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