It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
