I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
