My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize