i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
