Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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