Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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