nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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