She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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