It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
