forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize