Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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