I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
