Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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