His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
