My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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