question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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