Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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