After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
