Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
