i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
