He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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