I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
