you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
