Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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