There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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