Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she looked like the before picture.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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