I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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