Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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