New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
