Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize