so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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