Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
