I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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