Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
