Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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