I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize