my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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