Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
