i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
