Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
