I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
