It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
