Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
