Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
