Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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