Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
