No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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