idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
