Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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