So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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