It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
