I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
