we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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