So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
