I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize