I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
