I can text with my tongue
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
