Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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