I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
