Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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