I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
