we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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