I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
