hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
