Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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