I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
