I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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