just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
