he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize