In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
is it fun? or sober?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
