I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
