Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize