She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
