I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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