Jerry, you need to find god
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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