I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
