come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
